Poem: This is Who I Am

Reaching for the light

By Amy Estrada

This is Who I Am

I can only come as I am to you, Allah
You’re not the only thing in my heart
But can’t I still give it, full of everything as it is, back to you?
You’re not the only thing on my mind
But can’t I still ask you to help me with my random, sinful thoughts?
I’m not perfect, and You even said You wouldn’t want this
You want those who can be forgiven
And I need forgiveness You see, because
I sometimes am fine with having more than just You in my life
I sometimes am fine with thinking things I shouldn’t
I sometimes am fine with skipping a prayer or two
I sometimes am fine with eating a haraam burger
I sometimes am fine with saying a bad word
This is who I am Allah, a girl who is sometimes fine with sin in my life
But I don’t forget You, everywhere I look I see You
And I’m just tired of being told to be someone else, just to come to You
I am who I am Allah, and while I am making my bad choices
I am also hating that people are being hurt
Whether it’s by me or someone else
I am hating that people are mistreating one another
Whether in the name of Islam or any other cause
Allah I am who I am, and I am someone who loves goodness
I love fairness and compassion
My favorite thing is to see people come into a blessing of any kind
And find their heart’s desire, to see them really find You
So this is who I am Allah, I am a contradiction
I am a lover of Your attributes even while I am rejecting them in my own life
By means of my own actions
I am messed up and hurt and scared, all while hopeful and trusting and strong
I cry that things don’t go my way, and I cry at the story of Muhammad (saws)
I argue for the fun of it, yet sometimes Your words take the fight right out of me
You are ultimate and real and deep and pricelessly complex
And I am whimsical, moody, emotional, nafsy and greedy
And all I want is to be able to come to You and be who I really am
While You make me who I was always meant to be.

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Article by Wael

Wael Abdelgawad is an Egyptian-American living in Fresno, California. He is the founder of several Islamic websites, including Zawaj.com and IslamicAnswers.com, and also of various technology and travel websites. He is a writer and poet, and has been a web developer since 1997. This project, IslamicSunrays.com, is very dear to his heart, as it has allowed him to express ideas that have growing inside him for many years. Wael is divorced and has one lovely young daughter. He practices and teaches martial arts (somewhat obsessively), and loves Islamic books, science fiction, and vanilla fudge ice cream. Wael is an advocate for human rights and blogs about these issues at AbolishTorture.com. He is also a volunteer with the MyDeen Muslim youth organization in Fresno. Wael tagged this post with: , , , Read 266 articles by
One Comments Post a Comment
  1. MuratM1262 says:

    it reminds of someone I really know … Allah knows who is she :)…you know what , you actually made my evening & my next day…all in one …yeah ! this is the truth : i luved it , Wael… ???? ?????

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